Thoughtful Post

Normally my posts have a lot to do with what is going on at the Hoskins' house. Today I guess that is also true, but it is going to have a little bit of a different touch.

As a member of the Relief Society presidency I have the chance to teach a lesson every few months. I happen to be teaching on Sunday and have been on my knees a lot the past few days trying to come up with something to teach about. This morning it hit me. I have been doing a lot of personal research on confidence and self-worth, and I got wondering if anyone else feels the way I do. I think that a lot of the time in our lives as stay at home moms we feel as though the things we do day in and day out really don't seem to matter. No one applauds me when I make a really great pan of Macaroni and cheese. The only time anyone notices that the laundry seems to magically get done every week is when it doesn't get done for some reason and they don't have underpants in their draws. I don't get a pat on the back for getting the kids to school on time, or remembering to sign the endless things that come home from school. And I don't get a bonus when the baby gets to the doctor appointments every time, or the treat for class are already in the school bag before the kids walk out of the door. Yet, day in and day out I do those things. Do you ever wonder why? I have been thinking a lot today that there is a very fine line between knowing your self worth and still trying to be humble. President Hinckley always had the personal philosophy, that I think would be something that would greatly enrich my life it I could adopt it. He said, "I believe in myself. I do not mean to say this with egotism, but I believe in my capacity...to make some contribution to the society of which I am a part, [and] to grow and develop. ... I believe in the principles that I can make a difference in this world, be it ever so small." Today is my day to step back from the details of my live and reacquaint myself with the big picture. Everyday that my kids go to school with clean clothes on, all of the proper things in their back packs and a kiss before they walk out my door, I am making a small contribution to the world, because I am raising kids who know that they are loved and can function in this world. Everyday that I take a minute out of my crazy life to talk to a friend in need I am contributing because I am making the world around me a better place to be. I do believe in karma... what goes around comes around. I have become so preoccupied with my own weaknesses and that of faith in the Lord's ability to use those weaknesses for my good. Dr. Thomas Harris made the wise observation on insecurity and confidence: "Most people never fulfill their human promise and potential because they remain perpetually helpless children, overwhelmed by a sense of inferiority. The felling of being okay does not imply that the person has risen above all his faults and emotional problems. It merely implies that he refuses to be paralyzed by them." I think that for me, and maybe for some of you, to often I wallow in my weaknesses so much that I don't allow "weak things" to "become strong." then use the guise of humility, when in all reality it is a lack of confidence.

I am challenging myself to believe in what I am doing and with that, believe in who I am. I was put here for a reason and if the only reason is to raise strong, productive and confident people that in and of itself is something really amazing.