You know that moment in your life when you realize you aren't as put together as you thought you were, or as you try to appear? I have had that moment. I hate, and I mean hate, asking for help. I will do whatever I can do to not have to ask for help. Don't get me wrong, I love to help other people when they are in a jam. Picking up kids from school, watching a neighbors kids while she runs errands, taking in a meal... you name it I am there to help. Being on the receiving end is not easy for me at all. This week it hit me that I really need to ask for help more often, or even just be willing to accept it when it is offered and not automatically respond that I am fine. Let me give you a little history as to how I hit this AH HA moment.
I went to the doctor for my regular 14 week check up. Knowing that it was going to be the standard, find the heartbeat, measure kind of appointment. So I asked one of my really good friends to watch Ethan while I went. Well while I was at the appointment I was informed by my wonderful doctor that I was going to need IV fluids. WHAT... for any of you that have had that before you know it is at least a 2 hour commitment. So I begrudgingly text my friend to see if it would be alright for her to keep Ethan. Of course she said yes, but in my head I am thinking of ways that I can pick Ethan up and then come back. After my first liter of fluid I am then told I will be on IVs for at least 7 days. In my head I am trying to figure out how all of this is going to work out when I have Ethan, and have to pick up kids from school.
Tuesday, I again begrudgingly call another neighbor to watch Ethan while I go to the clinic and learn how to do the IVs at home. Of course the hour long appointment ends up taking almost 3 hours... making it so I have to call another friend to get Allie from school. At this point I am literally dying because I have to ask for more and more help.
It continues this way, when my darling visiting teachers come over and see that I have a sink full of dishes and being washing them for me. For any of you that really know me, that was a mix of two emotions, one was of pure gratitude for their willingness to help out, and one of pure shame that I couldn't just get it done by myself.
Today, my kids went to play at a neighbors while I got my nails done. I cried all the way to the appointment because I was so grateful for all of the people that have helped me this week. Once at the appointment, the girl that does my nails is a very dear friend, I cried again. I explained how I was so grateful for every one's willingness to help out, but how I felt like such a failure that I couldn't just figure out a way to just do it all by myself.
I know it sounds silly, and even writing it out right now makes me think of how silly I am that it bothers me so much. But for some reason deep down it makes me feel like I am not as good as I would like to be because I have had to ask for help.
So what I want to know is, 1) have you had that moment where you have had to learn to ask for and accept help, or 2) have you always been the type to ask.
4 comments:
Kelsey, you are so funny and sweet. I am glad that you are finally letting people pay back a TINY bit of what you do for others. I think it is making you stronger women to accept a little bit of help. Also you are letting others around you receive the blessings that come from serving others. Please don't think of yourself as being weak or not "put together" You are amazing, and sometimes we can only do so much and then we are blessed to have family and friends to help us. Hang in there this will only last a moment and you will be back to your super women self in no time!
I have had that moment as well. Unfortunately I seem to need to be reminded of it from time to time. It is hard to accept help from others, but I try to think of how I feel when I want to help someone. I almost feel bad when they say they are fine. Like they have rejected my desire to give. If you look at it from the perspective of giving them an opportunity to serve and be blessed, it will make it easier. Good luck with your new baby-that's exciting!
Congrats on your new baby! And sorry that it is forcing you to ask for help. I also struggle asking people for help but I agree with Heather. I love it when people accept my offers to help and feel bad when I can't help them. You are doing the most important thing a mother can do...giving a new spirit life. And sometimes that just takes a little more time and effort than others. By taking care of yourself you are taking care of your baby and that is the best service you can be doing right now.
"I am literally dying because I have to ask for more and more help."
We have different definitions of the word literally. Suck it up you big baby.
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