That moment

You know that moment in your life when you realize you aren't as put together as you thought you were, or as you try to appear? I have had that moment. I hate, and I mean hate, asking for help. I will do whatever I can do to not have to ask for help. Don't get me wrong, I love to help other people when they are in a jam. Picking up kids from school, watching a neighbors kids while she runs errands, taking in a meal... you name it I am there to help. Being on the receiving end is not easy for me at all. This week it hit me that I really need to ask for help more often, or even just be willing to accept it when it is offered and not automatically respond that I am fine. Let me give you a little history as to how I hit this AH HA moment.

I went to the doctor for my regular 14 week check up. Knowing that it was going to be the standard, find the heartbeat, measure kind of appointment. So I asked one of my really good friends to watch Ethan while I went. Well while I was at the appointment I was informed by my wonderful doctor that I was going to need IV fluids. WHAT... for any of you that have had that before you know it is at least a 2 hour commitment. So I begrudgingly text my friend to see if it would be alright for her to keep Ethan. Of course she said yes, but in my head I am thinking of ways that I can pick Ethan up and then come back. After my first liter of fluid I am then told I will be on IVs for at least 7 days. In my head I am trying to figure out how all of this is going to work out when I have Ethan, and have to pick up kids from school.

Tuesday, I again begrudgingly call another neighbor to watch Ethan while I go to the clinic and learn how to do the IVs at home. Of course the hour long appointment ends up taking almost 3 hours... making it so I have to call another friend to get Allie from school. At this point I am literally dying because I have to ask for more and more help.

It continues this way, when my darling visiting teachers come over and see that I have a sink full of dishes and being washing them for me. For any of you that really know me, that was a mix of two emotions, one was of pure gratitude for their willingness to help out, and one of pure shame that I couldn't just get it done by myself.

Today, my kids went to play at a neighbors while I got my nails done. I cried all the way to the appointment because I was so grateful for all of the people that have helped me this week. Once at the appointment, the girl that does my nails is a very dear friend, I cried again. I explained how I was so grateful for every one's willingness to help out, but how I felt like such a failure that I couldn't just figure out a way to just do it all by myself.

I know it sounds silly, and even writing it out right now makes me think of how silly I am that it bothers me so much. But for some reason deep down it makes me feel like I am not as good as I would like to be because I have had to ask for help.

So what I want to know is, 1) have you had that moment where you have had to learn to ask for and accept help, or 2) have you always been the type to ask.

Going Private

Now that the school year is coming to an end, I will have some time on my hands to blog, but I have made the decision to go private. If you would like to read this blog please comment with your email and I will make sure that I include you on my list.

Stay tuned.

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

My mom sent this to me as a email and I have watched it and cried through it over and over.
Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

Inspiration

So last night I was killing time after my kids were in bed and before Ryan was home from rehearsals. I was feeling a little down and having a pit of a pity party. I was looking around online and found the most amazing inspiration. There is a blog called www.neineidialogues.blogspot.com that touched my heart and made me take a step back and look at my life and count my blessings. This woman is an inspiration! She is a mother of 4 and a few years ago she and her husband were in a plane accident. She was in a coma for 3 months and suffered horrible burns. To hear the way she positively looks at her life is amazing and made me rethink my own. If you have a minute, check out her blog. She will strengthen you!

Chaos

So the Hoskins's house has been a little on the crazy side lately... we have had many ups and downs, but it is hard to do more than just keep our heads above water as of late. We have had some major things happen the past few weeks. First of all Sheldon is now done with 1st grade. I can't believe how fast this year had gone. He is so smart and finished out the year reading above grade level, having crazy spelling words and still loving school as much as he did in Kindergarten. Allie is done with preschool. She is ready to start Kindergarten! She sings and dances all of the time and can't wait to go to the same school as Sheldon. Ethan is taking up a storm. It is weird to hear people ask me how old he is and when I say two they don't believe me because of the sentences he can put together. Ryan is now working at the Lion House Bakery at 2 am, then he goes to Titan and works until 4:30 or 5:00, then hurries home to have dinner with us and goes to rehearsals for Hello Dolly at 6:30 until about 10:00. I am working with the PTA again, learning how to make bread and freezer jam and trying to hold down the fort while everyone goes a million miles an hour. Life has been crazy, but we have been blessed in ways that we didn't realize.

Accident Prone

Ryan while growing up was a pretty accident prone kid. His mom tells stories about many trips to the emergency room. I on the other hand have never broken a bone at the first time I had stitches was after having Sheldon. It has always been my fear that I would have kids that would follow in his footsteps. With the first two kids we haven't had that problem. No stitches or broken bones, knock on wood, but then Ethan came along...Since turning 2 he has fallen off of the bar stool and knocked himself out, and yesterday he was jumping on the bed and hit his head on my head board and split it open. Sigh! At least he is a trooper and after a couple of minutes he is his same old happy go lucky self and it all doesn't seem to affect him, but it this is a precursor for what I have to look forward to, one or both of us is going to have to be locked in a patted room! :)

March... so far.

A few weeks ago (the 18th of February) I got a call from the office staff at Sheldon's school. They were in need of a sub for the afternoon and were wondering if I could come and take the class. I told them that would be fine and headed over. The last Wednesday of February I went to the district office to fill out my paperwork so that I could be paid. Monday morning I got a call to Sub, which I took, I got one Tuesday morning that I did take, Wednesday I took it, and didn't take the one on Thursday. So needless to say this subbing gig could be come full time! I have very mixed emotions about that, but that is a whole different post.

Yesterday was my baby's 2nd birthday. Can you believe it? He is such a fun little one to have in the house. He is always making us laugh with his silly faces and games. Anytime he hears music he asks me to dance with him. He is a big Mommy's boy, but is so good natured that he really loves everyone. We sure do love our little E.